I'm an asset, bitches

What do you know? A two-post day. That's a treat for you, just so you know. Can't have you expecting multiple blogs each day. I'd never get anything else done. But the mood has struck me once again, and I feel compelled to address one of the very important topics noted in my blog from this morning: When will I grow the balls to switch firms? The answer is simple, but can be expressed in so many different ways.

The time is now.
No time like the present.
Haste makes waste.
If you wait until all conditions are perfect to act, you'll never act.
Do or die.
Now or never.

Clearly, others have been faced with the same predicament I find myself in at the present time. Otherwise we wouldn't have so many catchy little slogans to fire ourselves up with. Well friends, you heard it here first, I am officially beginning the search for a new firm to work with. Not for. With. My demands are simple, yet surprisingly un-meetable (I can make up words when I want, so shut it) at my current firm.

(1) Get me into a courtroom. I promise I have a natural talent that will produce favorable verdicts.
(2) Don't treat me like a worthless piece of crap. Yes, I realize I'm only a second year associate, but I am here to learn so that I can help OUR firm grow. I am an asset, bitches.
(3) Don't rip me off. I've become accustomed to my way of life and I don't want to settle for some massive paycut to get what I want. Ok, a small paycut is fine as long as you meet demands (1) and (2).
(4) Respect me, you stupid fuckers. I will gladly show you the same in return. It's funny how that works.

If anybody is aware of a firm that can potentially meet my demands, please contact me. I'm not fucking around anymore. No more languishing in a place that is not only making me miserable but actually hindering my growth as an attorney.

I can't wait to go head-to-head with a partner from my firm someday and just absolute annihilate them in front of an audience. Bring it.