Second's Best

If the saying is right, then this should be a great year for practicing law. I'll also have a hairy chest to look forward to next year, but we'll leave that for another day's worrying. I have a bone to pick with whoever it is that created this whole "first is worst, second's best..." song.

Clearly first is worst in the practice of law. I'll give that to you. First year is hellish, Sisyphus style, repetitive, futile labor. But this song gives false hope that there's a light at the end of that dreaded first year tunnel of doom. Well friends, I'm here to tell you that I have emerged from that dank tunnel and you know what I found? Another goddamn tunnel of doom. This fucking practice is a regular old Labyrinth of tunnels. And they're all full of equally challenging demons.

My only hope as I muddle through my second year of practice, dodging the partners I pissed off while weaving my way through tunnel number one, is that perhaps, just perhaps, there is a treasure chest at the end of tunnel number four. That is how the song goes, right? If there's no goddamn treasure chest, I swear to god I'm going to hunt down the stupid little fucker who gave me hope and strangle him with my bare hands!

Until then, you all get to jump inside my head as I wrestle other important topics like:

• Why did this year's Holiday Party suck so bad?
• Will I be getting a Holiday bonus when I'm called in for my annual review?
• Why does Partner C insist on being such a cheesy-smiled two-faced little bitch?
• When will I grow the balls to make a switch to another firm?
• Will I punch Partner D in the face the next time he asks me a question he already knows the answer to and then tells me to "look in the Court Rules?"
• Will the upcoming Fucking New Guy luncheon ever get planned?

I'm sure you're all terribly excited, but try to contain yourselves for the time being, mmk?