Some people are writers at heart. No matter what they choose to spend their time drafting, they do it with style and flare. These writers also appreciate good writing when they encounter it. No matter what form it takes.
Somewhere in the practice of law, most writers lose their flare. Motion upon motion, brief upon brief, letter upon letter, their writing becomes more and more bland. It doesn't have to be colorful as long as it hits all the dots along the way. That's what you're taught. The simpler, the better.
There are a rare few, however, who cannot shake their innate drive to create. Their talent bleeds through into their work, making the most mundane of tasks enjoyable. These are the people who keep things interesting. Who ignite a spark in the midst of the musty old world that is lawyering. One of my closest friends, and an associate at my firm, reminded me this morning that true talent can't be suppressed. He drafted a letter today, in response to yet another threat from an uncooperative opposing counsel. For those of you who don't practice law, this kind of thing becomes tediously predictable. Most would either ignore the threat, phone the other attorney and give him an earfull from the safety of their office, or draft a boring letter to cover their ass. Not my friend. Here is the letter, redacted, for your viewing pleasure.
Dear Mr. A:
I received your letter of January 30, 2006 – it warrants response and clarification. First, I observe how undignified it is for those in our profession to jump the gun and accuse another attorney of imposing a pleading for an improper purpose, and how equally undignified it is to threaten sanctions as an instinctive reaction to the nature of the adversarial process; this is especially true where one does not return repeated phone calls or respond to letters. Having said that, I note that during each of the times I have actually been able to reach you, you have been nothing but courteous and polite.
I also note that obtaining discovery from your client in this action has been akin to pulling teeth. You do not return my phone calls or respond to my letters. You and your client do not timely respond to the most basic discovery requests. Indeed, it is inaccurate to say that your office confirmed February 6 with me as the date for Mr. K's deposition. As you well know, I asked you repeatedly – by letter and by phone messages – to provide a date for Mr. K's deposition. Your letter of yesterday was your first response. I served Mr. K’s deposition notice after waiting for more than three weeks for you to provide dates for Mr. K’s deposition. Accordingly, given the January 29 discovery cutoff date in this case, and the need to preserve my right to take Mr. K’s deposition – coupled, of course, with your refusal to confirm dates for Mr. K’s deposition – I had no other choice but to take this matter before the Court to ensure that my client’s interests were protected. As I mentioned in my Motion to Compel, I will promptly withdraw it provided your client appears for and cooperates in his deposition on the date and time set.
Please let me know at your earliest convenience whether your client is unable to obtain the documents requested in his deposition notice. If any of the requested documents are not produced at my office at the time set, I will reserve my right to continue Mr. K’s deposition at a time when those documents are made available. Thank you for confirming that Mr. K’s deposition will go forward at my office on Monday, February 6, 2006, at 9:00 a.m. If I have misstated or inaccurately characterized any of the above, please contact me at your earliest convenience. I look forward to working with you to resolving the claims and defenses in this matter.
Sincerely,
Associate Who Clearly Has the Passion to Write
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
rogue fighter
Motivation is a funny thing. It comes and goes. It can push you with such force that you feel out of control, or it can slip away into the deepest regions of your brain and hibernate for what feels like forever. And the most intriguing thing about motivation...it's completely subjective. It's such a personal thing. What motivates one person likely won't make an ounce of difference in another person's world.
At a law firm, there are any number of different motivations directing the different characters down varying paths. The senior partners are motivated by the desire to secure their future, and build a comfy pile of change upon which they can retire. Oh, and don't forget the prestige. Most have been striving for that the duration of their careers. Some senior partners are motivated by greed, and power. Some simply get their kicks from the simple knowledge that when they show up to work, they make associates tremble. Fear is a powerful thing.
Then you've got the junior partners. Freshly promoted from the rank of associate, these partners are motivated more by the desire to make a name for themselves than anything else. What kind of name is a different story. There are those who strive to be like the senior partners, and become feared by those below them on the totem pole. They take every opportunity to remind the associates that they are partners. Overcompensation at its best. Then there are those wish to remain part of the associate social group while professionally trying to earn their stripes in the eyes of the senior partners (a group that they will inevitably never impress and become more and more jaded by every attempt). The sad part about junior partners is that while they are now drawing income from the lawfirm, they are usually worked just as hard and treated just as poorly as the lowly associates from whom they try so desparately to distinguish themselves.
Which brings us to the associates. There is certainly a difference between the motivation of a senior associate and a junior associate, but the bottom line always comes down to fear. The associate's primary goal and strongest motivation for showing up at work is to make their yearly billable hours. They try to stay low, keep clear of any scandals, and bill, bill, bill. You see, while great victories and hard work certainly make momentary impressions on the partners who decide the fate of young associates, they don't mean shit if you don't make your hours. Billables, the imperfect method law firms have chosen by which to measure the worth of their young attorneys. The associate comes in early and stays late. Fear is the strongest motivation of all. It will make you endure things you never thought possible. However, there are those who rise above it.
So what happens when you rise above the fear? You become one of those rogue fighters in a battle of your own. You see, if you have no fear of the partners, you don't approach situations in quite the same way. You peacefully get your work done, while shutting out the anxiety that weighs down the rest of your colleagues. You are able to see the big picture and realize that there is more to life than billables. That happiness and health should always outrank professional ambition. The problem is that in order to rise above the fear, you almost certainly have to make a drastic change. And we're not talking hair color or style here. Those who rise above the fear and defy the partners' attempts at intimidation are those who leave.
It's really as simple as that. When you see past the bullshit, you no longer have the driving motivation to bust your ass for some indeterminate length of time. You seek something better.
What that something is depends on what kind of motivation has slipped in to occupy you in the meantime.
At a law firm, there are any number of different motivations directing the different characters down varying paths. The senior partners are motivated by the desire to secure their future, and build a comfy pile of change upon which they can retire. Oh, and don't forget the prestige. Most have been striving for that the duration of their careers. Some senior partners are motivated by greed, and power. Some simply get their kicks from the simple knowledge that when they show up to work, they make associates tremble. Fear is a powerful thing.
Then you've got the junior partners. Freshly promoted from the rank of associate, these partners are motivated more by the desire to make a name for themselves than anything else. What kind of name is a different story. There are those who strive to be like the senior partners, and become feared by those below them on the totem pole. They take every opportunity to remind the associates that they are partners. Overcompensation at its best. Then there are those wish to remain part of the associate social group while professionally trying to earn their stripes in the eyes of the senior partners (a group that they will inevitably never impress and become more and more jaded by every attempt). The sad part about junior partners is that while they are now drawing income from the lawfirm, they are usually worked just as hard and treated just as poorly as the lowly associates from whom they try so desparately to distinguish themselves.
Which brings us to the associates. There is certainly a difference between the motivation of a senior associate and a junior associate, but the bottom line always comes down to fear. The associate's primary goal and strongest motivation for showing up at work is to make their yearly billable hours. They try to stay low, keep clear of any scandals, and bill, bill, bill. You see, while great victories and hard work certainly make momentary impressions on the partners who decide the fate of young associates, they don't mean shit if you don't make your hours. Billables, the imperfect method law firms have chosen by which to measure the worth of their young attorneys. The associate comes in early and stays late. Fear is the strongest motivation of all. It will make you endure things you never thought possible. However, there are those who rise above it.
So what happens when you rise above the fear? You become one of those rogue fighters in a battle of your own. You see, if you have no fear of the partners, you don't approach situations in quite the same way. You peacefully get your work done, while shutting out the anxiety that weighs down the rest of your colleagues. You are able to see the big picture and realize that there is more to life than billables. That happiness and health should always outrank professional ambition. The problem is that in order to rise above the fear, you almost certainly have to make a drastic change. And we're not talking hair color or style here. Those who rise above the fear and defy the partners' attempts at intimidation are those who leave.
It's really as simple as that. When you see past the bullshit, you no longer have the driving motivation to bust your ass for some indeterminate length of time. You seek something better.
What that something is depends on what kind of motivation has slipped in to occupy you in the meantime.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
common goals
There's a certain comaraderie that occurs between friends and associates who are in the know. The closed doors are protection, but they aren't what is shutting out the rest of the world and pressing hearts and minds closer together. It's the shared knowledge that life can be better than it is. The shared goal to get out. The shared hatred of being oppressed.
That's all well and good, but fairly melodramatic even for myself. But I can't get over how full I feel these days. With every day I press through at the office, I am one day closer to escaping this hole that has sucked me in and sucked me dry of all confidence and security over the past year and a half. There is a certain joy in knowing that the pain and agony isn't mine alone. I don't revel in my friends' and colleages' angst, but I do get my kicks knowing that they too will be seeking fulfilling career paths far from the doors of this firm.
Meanwhile, the partners who take pride in beating down our spirit will be left behind to wallow in their self-aggrandizing nests of lies and anxiety. This firm is nothing if it has no associates to whip. I wonder if these miserable partners realize how close they are to losing the entire lot of underlings.
But then, I doubt they'd care. There's always some sucker who's willing to endure the beating for a year or two in order to collect the paycheck. This firm is already severely lacking in loyalty. It's only going to get worse from here.
Luckily, I won't be around when this place implodes.
That's all well and good, but fairly melodramatic even for myself. But I can't get over how full I feel these days. With every day I press through at the office, I am one day closer to escaping this hole that has sucked me in and sucked me dry of all confidence and security over the past year and a half. There is a certain joy in knowing that the pain and agony isn't mine alone. I don't revel in my friends' and colleages' angst, but I do get my kicks knowing that they too will be seeking fulfilling career paths far from the doors of this firm.
Meanwhile, the partners who take pride in beating down our spirit will be left behind to wallow in their self-aggrandizing nests of lies and anxiety. This firm is nothing if it has no associates to whip. I wonder if these miserable partners realize how close they are to losing the entire lot of underlings.
But then, I doubt they'd care. There's always some sucker who's willing to endure the beating for a year or two in order to collect the paycheck. This firm is already severely lacking in loyalty. It's only going to get worse from here.
Luckily, I won't be around when this place implodes.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
casual observation
I have a confession to make. I love secretaries. No, not in that way, you perverts. I just unabashedly adore the support staff at my firm. Most of the ladies who work here put in tremendously long hours...some even rivaling the time put in by their own bosses. And what thanks do they get? A small Christmas present if they're lucky. Certainly not the respect that they deserve.
I just don't get it. Their whole purpose here is to help us. To keep this place running. And truthfully, this firm would not function without them. They bend over backwards getting motions and briefs out the door and filed on time, even though the usual cause of panic and urgency is due to the responsible attorney's having procrastinated until the last possible second to get the work done. They don't even receive so much as a simple "thank you" from the majority of the lawyers here. They are berated and used and ignored. Treated as second class. Asked to endure the wrath of angry attorneys, constipated by their own world of stress.
It disgusts me.
Many of these women are my friends. I know about their families. I share stories of my own life with them. That, my friends, is apparently a big faux pax in this legal world in which I exist. I just don't understand why. I've had three different secretaries since I first began work here as a summer clerk. Each of those women knew how valuable they were to me. How? Because I told them. I told them what a help they were, and how I would never be able to get anything done without them. I showed them. It's amazing how far flowers, a simple sign of gratitude can go.
I see my fellow associates being slowly groomed into the indifferent partners that have found a home in these halls for years and it scares me. They're starting to believe that they're better. That somehow our three years of law school education has rocketed them to heights so far beyond that of the secretaries, that it's ok to pretend they aren't even here. I find myself trying to make up for every other attorney in this firm by sending extra warmth and gratitude to any secretary with whom I come into contact.
So what's my angle? What do I get out of it? Why do I waste my time?
It certainly isn't because I want them to do more for me. They do enough as it is. Though I will say that unlike other attorneys in my firm, I know damn well that I could go to any secretary here in a time of need and they would gladly go to the ends of the earth to help me out. But that's not the reason. The reason is so simple it sounds ridiculous.
They are people, they deserve respect for the job that they do, and they are my friends.
I just don't get it. Their whole purpose here is to help us. To keep this place running. And truthfully, this firm would not function without them. They bend over backwards getting motions and briefs out the door and filed on time, even though the usual cause of panic and urgency is due to the responsible attorney's having procrastinated until the last possible second to get the work done. They don't even receive so much as a simple "thank you" from the majority of the lawyers here. They are berated and used and ignored. Treated as second class. Asked to endure the wrath of angry attorneys, constipated by their own world of stress.
It disgusts me.
Many of these women are my friends. I know about their families. I share stories of my own life with them. That, my friends, is apparently a big faux pax in this legal world in which I exist. I just don't understand why. I've had three different secretaries since I first began work here as a summer clerk. Each of those women knew how valuable they were to me. How? Because I told them. I told them what a help they were, and how I would never be able to get anything done without them. I showed them. It's amazing how far flowers, a simple sign of gratitude can go.
I see my fellow associates being slowly groomed into the indifferent partners that have found a home in these halls for years and it scares me. They're starting to believe that they're better. That somehow our three years of law school education has rocketed them to heights so far beyond that of the secretaries, that it's ok to pretend they aren't even here. I find myself trying to make up for every other attorney in this firm by sending extra warmth and gratitude to any secretary with whom I come into contact.
So what's my angle? What do I get out of it? Why do I waste my time?
It certainly isn't because I want them to do more for me. They do enough as it is. Though I will say that unlike other attorneys in my firm, I know damn well that I could go to any secretary here in a time of need and they would gladly go to the ends of the earth to help me out. But that's not the reason. The reason is so simple it sounds ridiculous.
They are people, they deserve respect for the job that they do, and they are my friends.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
stretching my wings
My world is being turned upside down right now. It's of my doing, but it's flip flopping, nonetheless. You would think that I would be apprehensive, considering my aversion to change. You'd think, what with at the very least a change in firms facing me down, that I would feel down and scared and unhappy. Quite the opposite.
I realized as I was driving into work today that I have a new bounce in my step. I'm walking faster, my speech is brighter, I'm feeling lively. And it's not new. It's like rediscovering an old part of me that's been tucked away for the past year and a half. During the time at my firm, I've been walking around as though I've had a shackle tightly clasped around my ankle. I've felt heavy and trapped and unhappy. These days, despite the uncertainty of my immediate future, I'm feeling more like I did before I was slapped across the face with the harsh reality that is the practice of law. I have a renewed vigor.
I feel stronger and more confident now. Sure, I may feel tossed onto my ass in a month when I don't know where I'm going, but have already walked out the door of my firm for the last time. Sure, I may flounder trying to decide which path to take from here. Sure, I may feel unsteady on my feet as I search for footing in a new firm, a new city, or the like. But I won't feel heavy. I won't feel burdened. I won't feel depressed.
I have unfettered myself. I am no longer chained to a job I despise with no foreseeable end to the misery. I'm getting out. I'm moving up. And I'm bringing back the me that I am proud of.
I'm stretching my wings, dusting off the cobwebs, and remembering that I do know how to fly.
I realized as I was driving into work today that I have a new bounce in my step. I'm walking faster, my speech is brighter, I'm feeling lively. And it's not new. It's like rediscovering an old part of me that's been tucked away for the past year and a half. During the time at my firm, I've been walking around as though I've had a shackle tightly clasped around my ankle. I've felt heavy and trapped and unhappy. These days, despite the uncertainty of my immediate future, I'm feeling more like I did before I was slapped across the face with the harsh reality that is the practice of law. I have a renewed vigor.
I feel stronger and more confident now. Sure, I may feel tossed onto my ass in a month when I don't know where I'm going, but have already walked out the door of my firm for the last time. Sure, I may flounder trying to decide which path to take from here. Sure, I may feel unsteady on my feet as I search for footing in a new firm, a new city, or the like. But I won't feel heavy. I won't feel burdened. I won't feel depressed.
I have unfettered myself. I am no longer chained to a job I despise with no foreseeable end to the misery. I'm getting out. I'm moving up. And I'm bringing back the me that I am proud of.
I'm stretching my wings, dusting off the cobwebs, and remembering that I do know how to fly.
Friday, January 13, 2006
clap away
Today's lunch conversation illustrates one of the only things that I'll miss when I leave my firm. The utterly ridiculous, side-splitting laughter that I share with the associates I call friends here. There really isn't anywhere else in the world that you can expect to sit and discuss the graphic details of Mexican whore-houses and open-mouth kissing prostitutes who have blown at least 5 guys that night, segue into a conversation about puking, then back to strippers who use fake accents to seem exotic, and round it out with talk of sticking two hands up Associate M's wife's ass and trying to clap. I don't know why, but the phrase "off the bag" makes me gag and laugh at the same time. Thanks to Associate T for teaching me that colorful term. If you don't know what it means, shoot me a message and we'll have a little chat about the birds and the bees.
I may be happier when I get out of here, but I certainly doubt I'll be able to laugh about my fellow coworkers sexual exploits in quite the same way ever again.
I may be happier when I get out of here, but I certainly doubt I'll be able to laugh about my fellow coworkers sexual exploits in quite the same way ever again.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
floodgates
With yesterday marking the last day of our most senior associate at the firm, and one of my closest friends, some familiar tremors are resonating throughout the 24th and 25th floors of the building. You can feel it in the air. An eerie silence has settled, and to the untrained eye, the remaining associates are busy as usual, pounding out motions, becoming bleary-eyed while staring at LexisNexis search results, and diligently checking in with their assigning partners.
But I know better. I've seen it before.
With Associate D's departure yesterday, the slow trickle began. He's out. He's escaped. Associates with a few years under their belts exchange knowing glances in the hallways and commence with closed door conversations about who will be next and how many will follow. You see, at my firm we never lose just one. No. Once one associate leaves, it's time to batten down the hatches and prepare for the exodus. The next one to leave will open the floodgates. Associates will begin rapidly flowing out of the firm and onto bigger, sometimes smaller, but always better things.
The firm has witnessed two such disasters in the past five years. Close to halving the ranks of the associates each time. And yet the partners don't notice the pattern. The standard "He/she just couldn't cut it" lines will be thrown around in casual conversation. They'll exchange shrugs and go about their business. All the while, the remaining associates are scrambling to find their opportunity to jump ship; their chance to reach for that proverbial brass ring and escape the misery that my firm dishes up in heaping portions. The key is to get out before you're the last one left.
Yes, the trickle began when Associate D turned off his light and walked to the elevators yesterday. And I will gladly swing those floodgates open next month. With a grin.
But I know better. I've seen it before.
With Associate D's departure yesterday, the slow trickle began. He's out. He's escaped. Associates with a few years under their belts exchange knowing glances in the hallways and commence with closed door conversations about who will be next and how many will follow. You see, at my firm we never lose just one. No. Once one associate leaves, it's time to batten down the hatches and prepare for the exodus. The next one to leave will open the floodgates. Associates will begin rapidly flowing out of the firm and onto bigger, sometimes smaller, but always better things.
The firm has witnessed two such disasters in the past five years. Close to halving the ranks of the associates each time. And yet the partners don't notice the pattern. The standard "He/she just couldn't cut it" lines will be thrown around in casual conversation. They'll exchange shrugs and go about their business. All the while, the remaining associates are scrambling to find their opportunity to jump ship; their chance to reach for that proverbial brass ring and escape the misery that my firm dishes up in heaping portions. The key is to get out before you're the last one left.
Yes, the trickle began when Associate D turned off his light and walked to the elevators yesterday. And I will gladly swing those floodgates open next month. With a grin.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Scoreboard
Well, here it is. A new year, a new start. Isn't that what we always say? Well in any event, I intend to actually put this mantra into action this year. In order to do so, I must actually assess what went so horribly wrong in the past year that would necessitate a fresh start now.
2005 Mistakes
2005 Mistakes
- Let work stress control me
- Let myself slide into a state of complacence and laziness
- Stopped trying to make myself better in any regard
- Let food become my comfort
- Shut out friends and stopped socializing
- Didn't exercise and thus let my body deteriorate
- Didn't pull myself out of any of the above mistakes
As I see it, those are the biggies. And now, what I hope to achieve in the new year with my new chance to make myself into the person I so greatly desire to be:
2006 Goals
- Remember that as much as the partners want me to believe it is, work is not my life
- Create and maintain a clear separation between my career and my personal well-being
- Kick the food addiction
- Let my friends back in and make an effort to do something other than lie on my couch watching tv and surfing the internet in my free time
- Start reading for leisure again -- god damnit, this job will not steal away one of my favorite pass-times.
- Work out and treat my body as though I need it to survive into ripe old age...because I do
- Don't let myself slip into a rut--if I slack in any of the above goals, pull myself right back up and start again
So far, so good. Today I had a nice healthy breakfast and then somehow mustered the willpower to decline lunch with my friends at one of my favorite "baddie" restaurants (Chinese food = the Devil). Instead of the fatty slop, I opted for a small salad and some fruit.
Current Score: New Me: 1, Old Habits: 0
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